Monday, March 20, 2006

just a quick post

This is my latest post for an online discussion forum that I have to do for my Environmental history class in college. Seeing as I think the class is a load of bunk I've decided to write all my posts as outrageously as possible.

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Breaking News on CBS, The following is a recovered transcript of the earliest known
meeting of the vast neo-con right wing Christian fundamentalist Zionist conspiracy that
deals with the planned destruction of the environment and their planned oppresion of the
masses. It was handed to me by an unnamed source who would only identify herself as
yralliH notnilC so it must be fair and truthful.
::start transcript::
God's grace be upon you brothers, this being the year of our lord 1789 even with our
secret shadow government just starting to take over the nascent democracy of America
our plans succeed magnificently! Already the money of this unsuspecting nation bears
our nefarious Judeo-Christian markings with the word "God" being clearly mentioned on
all items of currency. But now our most ancient and most evil member of this vast neo-
con right wing Christian fundamentalist Zionist conspiracy Brother Dick Cheney will read
to us his progress with the destruction of the accursed environment.
Praise Jesus fellow followers of evil! As you all know that as us being mindless bible-
thumpers we must follow the words of God to the letter and since God himself has
decreed that the wilderness of nature is "great and terrible" and that only sinners can live
in such wilderness it is our Zionist Christian fundamentalist duty to destroy all the
wilderness and replace it with our civilization in which we can opress women and
minorities and non-Bible based religions. Already our mindless armies of opressed
workers are "conquering" the land in this constant "struggle with nature." Despite losses
from "the enemy" with its vast rabid hordes of chipmunks, squirrels, and hippies;
our "pioneer army" marches forth to destroy the environment because it is God's
command.
Our holy crusade against the heathan peacful nature loving Indians has been
decreed by the Bible with God's vengance upon the Sodommites and the Gomorrahans!
We Americans will follow our Jewish Zionist masters in the total destruction of the world
first by declaring war against the natives here and then by waging war against the rest of
the world for God forbid that this vast neo-con right wing Christian fundamentalist Zionist
conspiracy would actually let there be peace and stop the oppression of women
minorities and non-Bible based religions in this land.
Now let us end this meeting by oppressing a woman, some minorities, having one of our
scary guns kill a person, reading the Bible, destroying a tree, and giving taxcuts to the
rich.
::end transcript::
It is the opinion of this non-biased, fair and balanced reporter that we should
immediately condemn the actions of this vast global conspiracy by forcing Christians and
Jews to stop reading the Bible, take more money from the rich, giving more minorities
jobs because they are too incapable of getting them themselves, banning guns, and
turning all of the southern states into vast nature preserves. This is Dan Rather with
CBS signing off.
Remember if you hear BS, and say BS, you must CBS.